


Gödel's incompleteness theorems

by Stria (Asia117)



Series: An Eternal Golden Braid [2]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Body Dysphoria, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 20:50:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9921620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asia117/pseuds/Stria
Summary: “Are we boyfriends?” Asks Even.“The most boyfriends,” answers Isak.[Isak is a trans boy. He has a relationship.]Translation in русский available inside.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Does the title really have to do with the fic? Not really bar like, two small sentences. But I loved the Concept so like. Aesthetic.  
> (I come back to watch the title and like. It seems so Fake?? I literally copied the wikipedia's name so I'm. Like. Why does it look so fake.)
> 
> Have a good reading!
> 
> You can find the translation in русский [here](https://ficbook.net/readfic/5285411)!

Isak meets Sonja on a Sunday afternoon. Sonja is Even’s ex, and they're still friends and Even thinks he could be friends too with her, if he wishes.

Isak can read between the lines, can see that  _ I think you would benefit from knowing another trans person _ , and he doesn't know what to do about it. He’s grateful to Even because he obviously cares about Isak, but on the other hand he feel… exposed. He hopes Even didn’t tell Sonja about him, but then, if Even didn’t, Sonja might wonder why she’s meeting Even’s boyfriend at all.

Sonja has kind eyes and a large smile when they meet her, and it turns up she didn’t know about Isak at all. Isak feels a bit shit for not trusting Even, but then again, he’s not good at these things, and Even knows it.

“... And yesterday, I was going to the appointment with the endo for the HRT,” says Sonja to Even, then looks at Isak as an afterthought, and nods towards him. “Because I’m trans, I’m sure Even must have told you,” she says with half a smile, and then her gaze returns to Even.

Isak is frozen in place, terrified. Sonja threw the comment at him, like it was just some words to say, like it was  _ that _ easy. She just met him, for all she knows he could be a raging transphobe, and yet she just. Told him, like breathing, and then resumed her speech without even checking if he was reacting positively.

He knows Even can sense his distress, because he feels a warm hand on his thigh, stroking him slowly. He exhales shakily and buries his face in his cup of tea.

 

***

 

“You’re a good person, Isak,” Even tells him every day, almost a reminder. Isak doesn’t believe it, but he needs to hear it, needs to hear that Even believes it.

“It’s not true,” he tells Even nonetheless, every day. And Even smiles content every time, and ruffles Isak’s hair.

“What is  _ true _ anyway,” he tells him one day, “if we can’t even find the logic in statements like ‘this statement is false’?”

“ _ True _ is like, something that reasonates with us on a core level,” says Isak, and Even’s hand slides down his hair, till the back of his neck. The heaviness of it makes Isak feel good.

“That’s not how logic works,” he says, and there’s mirth in his eyes.

Isak rolls his eyes. “I will think about maths when I’m in class, thank you.”

And Even just laughs.

 

***

 

Sometimes Even is manic. Isak doesn’t know how to act at first, the night when he doesn’t want to sleep and it’s too jittery to stay in the house. So he takes his bike, and makes Even put on some jogging clothes, and they start going around.

It’s spring, and the sun is still vaguely pink and blue, and Isak bikes slowly, Even at his side with a dazzling smile on his face, never losing a beat. He bikes till the sky goes black, till he can’t feel his legs anymore and he has to guide Even slowly back to his flat, where Mikael just got up and looks at them, understanding dawning on his face.

Isak crashes hard on Even’s bed without even taking off his binder.

 

***

 

“Are we boyfriends?” Asks Even.

“The most boyfriends,” answers Isak.

 

***

 

Sonja sends him a message from Even’s phone one day, telling him to  _ come, please, Even needs you _ . When Isak arrives in Even’s room, he’s unmoving under the duvet, the room almost dark, and Sonja sitting at his desk, doing something at her laptop.

“He crashed,” she says, looking at him. “Do you know what to do?”

Isak shakes his head, he tells her about their biking, about Even’s high, and she nods. “What do I have to do?” he asks, insecure.

“Be there for him,” she says, “but don’t be overwhelming. And if it seems difficult to be there for him, don’t think about the future, just take it one day at a time.”

She tells him that Even is really better at taking care of himself now, but there was a time in which he wasn’t, in which he didn’t have a sleep schedule, and he smoked and drank like there was no tomorrow. She tells him about Even’s parents, who were worried and didn’t know what to do, and about how Even refused any help.

“Does he mind you telling me that?” asks Isak, and Sonja shrugs.

“He talks about it pretty liberally, but anyway you do need to know, because if you want to be with him you need to know how to take care of him.”

Just like he needs to know how to take care of me because I’m trans, thinks Isak, but doesn’t say it out loud.

He thinks it could be nice to come out to Sonja, but he doesn’t think this is the right moment, so he just goes to lay down behind Even, and kisses the back of his neck.

He’ll wait it out, he will.

 

***

 

When Even gets better, they go together to the psych to see if there’s something they can do, since he hadn’t crashed so hard since the time he was forced to drop out. Even asks him to come inside, and Isak meets dr. Andersen. She’s nice, but he doesn’t want to talk to psych, he’s too scared.

Even is happy that they met, though, and that makes Isak smile.

 

***

 

It’s not that Isak doesn’t want to have a sex life, is the point.

They’re both teenage boys, and they do like each other, and they spend a lot of time alone. Like, a sex life is almost a given, at this point.

The point is that Isak doesn’t know well how to proceed. He’s fine with giving oral, he did try it one time that his flatmates weren’t home, and having Even trembling and moaning and come in his mouth with a shout was almost like a religious experience. He’s fine with giving, he is.

He’s less fine with receiving. Even is delicate, he always is, and his past experience with Sonja helps a lot with understanding, probably, but. He’s nervous.

“I’m fine with us never having sex, you know,” says Even one day, while they’re lying in bed. Isak sighs.

“I know you are, but I am not. I just don’t know how to act.”

Even kisses his forehead. “It’ll come baby, I’m sure it will.”

 

***

 

“How is it going, with Even?” Asks Jonas one day. Isak smiles.

“It’s good. He’s good,” he says, and puts his head on Jonas’ shoulder.

Jonas passes him the joint. “I like seeing you like this, Ike. You’re happier.”

Isak thinks about his panic attacks, and how now he can count on Even to come and hug him till the anxiety has passed. He used to feel guilty for that, but Even told him that Isak did the same thing when he was manic and then he crashed. He smiles. “Sort of, yeah.”

“Mags and Mahdi want to meet him, I think. They’ve been saying you’re ignoring them.”

That’s a more difficult topic, for Isak. They’re nice, but they’re still painfully cishet, and not in the same way Jonas is, either. “I’ll try, okay?”

He takes a drag and holds the smoke as much as he can. Jonas just pets his hair.

 

***

 

He comes out to Sonja while Even’s gone to the toilet at the café. He didn’t even really meant to do it, but he just blurts it, maybe a bit too loud for the environment. “I’m. I’m like you,” he says, and bites his lip looking at the realisation dawning on Sonja’s face.

She smiles big, and goes “but that’s amazing!” And Isak doesn’t know if it’s amazing that he’s suffering from dysphoria and hating himself, but he understands that Sonja is at another point entirely in her life. He smiles a bit.

Sonja sits close to him and gives him a side hug. He puts his head on her shoulder and just breathes for a bit. That’s how Even finds them, and smiles confused for a moment.

“I told her,” says Isak, and then proceeds to spend the rest of the afternoon cuddled up between Even and Sonja, a bit overwhelmed, and smiling a lot.

 

***

 

The one he has with Sonja, after that, is a strange kind of friendship. He mostly texts her when it becomes overwhelming to be trans in a world that doesn’t account for you, and she lets him rant and cry, offering pieces of her life in returns.

She understood she was trans when she was in middle school, and had just started seeing Even. He was great, she tells him, but sometimes really couldn’t understand. Just like her parents, who told her they loved her a lot, but really couldn’t understand what she was going through. They found her a centre where she could go and meet people like her, and do therapy. She’s grateful.

Isak tells her about his parents, about his too-religious mother and about his father who walked away when he discovered he didn’t have a daughter. His mum still doesn’t really understand, calls him  _ Issy _ because that’s the most gender-neutral thing they could set on, and tells him that “son or daughter, I love you a lot”. Isak thinks this is the best thing he can get from his mother.

Sonja invites him a couple times to meetings where she goes, says that since you don’t have to be trans to attend, they’ll probably think Isak’s only her significant other.

Isak smiles at that, and tells her that he will be ready to go with her one day.

 

***

 

When Even and Isak finally have sex, it’s better than Isak could have imagined.

Even holds him closer, doesn’t question his request of being on his front, and goes slow, slow, slow. Takes time to prep him with all the lube in the world, whispers sweet nothings in his ear. Isak cries the whole time, and frantically shakes his head when Even asks him if they have to stop.

When Even is inside him, he feels almost whole, full to the brim of love and happiness, and cries some more over Even’s arm, lets himself be kissed, lets himself enjoy Even’s mouth exploring his neck and shoulders, and Even’s cock moving into him, and Even’s weight on him like a blanket.

Isak feels safe and protected from everything in the world, and when everything is done and they’re cuddling, he tells Even. “I love you.”

Even squeezes him and kisses the back of his neck. “You’re the best thing in my life,” he says, and Isak smiles.

“Maybe we can buy a strap-on for next time,” he says, feeling daring.

Even bites his shoulder. “Would work for me.”

 

***

 

“ _ In the deathcar, we’re alive _ ,” whispers Even looking straight in Isak’s eyes. Isak sways to the music, and this is the exact right track to smoke, he thinks, but also it’s better if Even doesn’t smoke, so he doesn’t bring it up.

He just raises his head, asking Even for a kiss, and he still isn’t used to the feeling that there’s a boy who’s the prettiest boy ever, and he wants to kiss Isak at least as much as Isak wants to kiss him.

He isn’t used to it, but he thinks he could get used to it, the time comes. Even is beautiful and amazing, and even  _ loves _ Isak. This is a given, these are the facts. And Isak  _ loves _ Even, and he knows Even knows.

Life’s looking better, it really is.

**Author's Note:**

> The song at the end is Goran Bregovich and Iggy Pop's _[In the Death Car](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TF0Zc0MGB1c)_.
> 
> If you liked it consider leaving a kudo or commenting, that keeps me going! Or come to find me on [tumblr](http://cosenoditea.tumblr.com)!


End file.
